


poets are just kids who didn't make it

by faerie_wings



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Character Study, Love, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Mentioned Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon, Mentioned Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22758682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faerie_wings/pseuds/faerie_wings
Summary: "It begins like this: Geralt of Rivia is a fucking ass who breaks hearts and leaves them crying on the floor of an inn, wishing that they knew what they did wrong. Geralt of Rivia has no right to break hearts because Geralt of Rivia is a Witcher and Witchers don't have feelings. And for a man that doesn't believe in Destiny, Geralt spends too much time being bothered by it."---On how it begins, ends, progresses, and turns out.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 7
Kudos: 66





	poets are just kids who didn't make it

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "I've Got a Dark Alley and a Bad Idea That Says You Should Shut Your Mouth (Summer Song)" by Fall Out Boy
> 
> Quotes from S01E02 "Four Marks" and S01E08 "Much More" of The Witcher by Netflix

It begins like this: Geralt of Rivia is a fucking _ass_ who breaks hearts and leaves them crying on the floor of an inn, wishing that they knew what they did wrong. Geralt of Rivia has _no right_ to break hearts because Geralt of Rivia is a _Witcher_ and _Witchers_ don't have feelings. And for a man that doesn't believe in Destiny, Geralt spends too much time being bothered by it. 

It begins like this: Jaskier is a _nobody_ the world has not heard of, and the Edge of the World is a place where lonely, barely-of-age bards are treated with the same courtesy and respect as a Witcher (exchanging the _stones_ for whatever is at hand.)

It begins like this: Julian Alfred Pankratz is ten years old, and he's being groomed to be a pompous bastard with repressed urges. Witchers are a long ways off, and even they don't kill monsters masquerading as men, despite Julian's utmost desire to be free from the fanatical ravings of his father's mind.

It begins like this: Julian is a child when his mother dies, singing to him softly with her last breath, singing of the world, singing of the pain and suffering and _darkness_ , singing of the light and goodness and _mercy_. 

It ends like this: Jaskier is a lonely, pitiful excuse for a bard, and the only troubadour of a Witcher, yet even that won't stop him from choking on his own _blood_. Choking on his own blood that drips down, down, down, into the hands of a Witcher. And it's okay, Jaskier has had his heart broken before, by much more formidable opponents.

It ends like this: An empty mountain top, the wind blowing through hair, a wish revealed, and a blessing uttered. It ends with Jaskier's heart _shattered_ , once and for all, after the months ( _years_ ) of perpetual _torment_ , the endless insults, slander, derogatory comments. Jaskier just wishes he could have ended this on his own terms.

It ends like this: A hit song, thrusting a lonely, barely-of-age bard into the spotlight of lords, ladies, dukes, duchesses, kings, queens. It ends with Jaskier's first mistake. And Jaskier was taught to lap up the attention, but that doesn't mean he _wants_ it. (It doesn't mean he's a _fucking whore,_ to be used and abused.)

It ends like this: Jaskier running away into the night, running away with only a handful of coins, the clothes on his back and his voice. No lute in sight, though Jaskier claims (claimed) to have been born lute-in-hand. It ends with Jaskier's _relief_ , his _thankfulness_ , his _fear_. 

It ends with _Blessed Silence_.

And maybe that's part of the problem. Part of the problem where _Jaskier_ is _too loud_ , too _intense_ , too _arrogant_. Jaskier spends too much time _talking_ and not enough time _listening_. Jaskier spends too much time focused on himself and not on other people, Jaskier is shaping up to be the mirror image of his _raving, fanatical_ father, caring for nothing but his own satisfaction and _poisoning_ the world with his very _existence._

It progresses like this: An empty mountain top, the wind blowing through hair, a wish revealed, and a blessing uttered. It ends with Jaskier's heart _shattered_ , once and for all, after the months ( _years_ ) of perpetual _torment_ , the endless insults, slander, derogatory comments. Jaskier just wishes he could have ended this on his own terms. 

It progresses like this: Jaskier spends months away from his Witcher, but they keep running into each other ( _“People linked by destiny will always find each other…”_ ) and Jaskier just wants to stay with his only love forever and ever.

It progresses like this: He’s falling in love with a _Witcher_. He’s falling in love with a Witcher and he can’t _stand it_ , he can’t stand the uncertainty of his survival, he can’t stand the absolute certainty that he’s unwanted, he can’t stand the _depth_ of the pit he’s falling into every single day.

It progresses like this: Jaskier’s following the _White Wolf,_ the _Butcher of Blaviken_ , _Geralt of Rivia_. Jaskier’s following his only muse, his only escape from the reality of his suffering. Jaskier’s following the only way to _run away_ from the circumstances of his poor decisions.

It turns out like this: Geralt holding _his_ bard’s body close, pressing and _pushing_ against the bloody wound stabbed into his side, as Ciri watches on, helpless, _hopeless_. And there’s nothing Geralt can do but _scream_ for Yennefer like she can hear him; like she’s _willing_ to hear him; like she can even _help_. 

It turns out like this: Jaskier _running_ and not stopping from the second ( _first_ ) home he’s ever known, and it turns out that history does, indeed, repeat itself, but why did it have to be Jaskier’s _cowardly_ nature?

It turns out like this: Jaskier goes hungry _days_ in a row because of his _obsession_ with this Witcher, this _supposed murderer,_ this _supposed monster_. (And isn’t that weird? Because if he’s a _monster_ , then he can’t be a _murderer_ , can he?) 

It turns out like this: Julian hasn’t chosen a pseudonym, hasn’t chosen a _name_ , hasn’t done anything except beg and starve. Julian won’t survive long, and, on reflection, he’s not planning to. (Maybe he can finally find _peace_ and _quiet._ Maybe he can finally find _Blessed Silence._ )

And it turns out that Julian Alfred Pankratz is just a kid who didn’t make it in the world, and Jaskier is just a kid who couldn’t _let go._ Jaskier is just a kid who was in love with a Witcher but couldn’t stop being such a _coward_ that he couldn’t even confess his absolute adoration to his only _true love_. 

And maybe the Witcher does love him, and maybe he doesn’t. Jaskier doesn’t really know. Jaskier doesn’t really know anything anymore except that he’s just another sad story, another failure, another kid who didn’t make it.

And maybe Jaskier survives this heartbreak, maybe Jaskier survives this absolute _torture,_ maybe Geralt saves him. But it doesn’t really matter, because Jaskier’s already had his heart _shattered,_ once and for all, after years of perpetual torment.

Maybe this way is better. ( _Although_ …)

**Author's Note:**

> I might write another chapter, idk yet :/
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
